Upload an iMessage chat. Brandon tells you what's really going on.

Testimonials

• Twenty-two years of texts, mostly about bread and the train home, and Brandon found the love story hiding in the grocery lists. My husband read it twice and went quiet. Nobody had ever described us to us.

• I'd been avoiding this because iMessage has no export button. The Mac app took less time than making coffee. Then Brandon pinpointed the month it actually ended, a year before we admitted it, and I finally stopped rereading the last week.

• Ten years of insults, restaurant reviews and one terrible summer. Brandon roasted our dialect for six pages and then wrote about the week she drove up and did my laundry without asking. I sent it to her at 1am. She rang me crying and laughing at once.

• Five of us, one chat since university, and Brandon knew who runs it, who manifests, and who has never once arrived on time. Brutal, accurate, and then unexpectedly sweet about the year one of us was sick. It's pinned in the group now.

• Three mates in three time zones who mostly argue about when to game on Sundays. I ran the export on my MacBook between two matches, no setup, and the report was ready before we'd loaded in. It nailed all three of us and ended on why we've never let the group die.

• I uploaded it to find out if she liked me. Brandon said yes in the second paragraph, then spent the rest of the report explaining why I kept talking her out of it. Uncomfortable, fair, and I've reread it more than I'd admit.